Weird topic, I know, but on my recent trip to New York, it came up a lot. I have a notoriously tiny bladder, so I have to think about these things. Cordula did too, so we were well matched.

PS I didn’t take pictures of bathrooms, so I’ll amuse you with other photos.

1. Find a Starbucks

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Not a problem, since most places in the world have them on every corner. Some in NYC had codes or keys for the bathroom, and all had varying degrees of cleanliness (we started giving awards for different things, like Dirtiest Starbucks Bathroom). If you get any flak for wanting to use it, buy something. And yes, the irony of buying a coffee when you need to pee is not lost on me.

2. Look for a Park

At least in New York City, there are plenty of parks and green spaces, and many of them have bathrooms. Don’t expect the facilities to be sparkling clean. The winner in this category came from a park in Chinatown, where Cordula spied two sets of shoes in the stall next to her, and heard amorous sounds.

3. Go Where You Eat

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A restaurant is always a safe bet for finding a bathroom (again, get over your wish that it’ll be clean. How bad do you have to go?).

4. Go Even if You Don’t Have To

Follow Mom’s advice and at least “try to go!” You don’t know how long it’ll be until you find another restroom, so hedge your bets by emptying your bladder.

5. Don’t Overdrink

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Easier said than done, between chugging water to stay hydrated and enjoying alcoholic beverages all over the city! But if you’re imbibing, plan your next bathroom stop. No one wants to be in a strange city about to wet their pants.

6. Go Somewhere Fun (and a Little Forbidden)

Our top pick for restrooms in NYC is Trump Towers. No, there aren’t gold toilets, but they’re really clean and have no line.

7. Find a Department Store (But Not on the Weekends)

Having peed only 15 minutes before, I was already in a fever when I reached Macy’s in NYC. Stupidly, I fought through the crowds to find the bathrooms. Cordula’s advice is to go to the basement for the bathroom. Alas, said basement was closed for repairs. I found one by the shoe department, but so had 25 other females.

8. Use the Men’s Room

If you’re female, you’ll stand in a lot of lines to use the facilities, unless you break tradition and use the Men’s room. It’s always available. Yes, it will smell like piss because men cannot aim in the toilet. Just don’t slip in it and hit your head on the urinal.